this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
