She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
