I just gift wrapped bread.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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