He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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