sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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