Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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