Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
