I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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