y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
