And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
