I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
