she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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