I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
