Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
