He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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