Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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