He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
