do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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