I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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