May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
