Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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