And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
