i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
