I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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