I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
