Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
