Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
