bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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