There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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