You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
