i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
