How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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