Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
