she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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