At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
