I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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