It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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