I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
