Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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