soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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