Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
