Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
