I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
