I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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