Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
