Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
