He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
