good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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