At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
