I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
