If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
