so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
