so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
