Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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