Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
