Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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