Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
