i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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