Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
