Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
