Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
