my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize