I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
