um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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