P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
