so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
