3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
