ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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