OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
