tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
