I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
