it hurts more in the daytime
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
