I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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