My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
