DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
