she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
