just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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