I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
