Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
