so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
