so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize