Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
