Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
