oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
