Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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