have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
