im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
