just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
