it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
