The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
