oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
whose parrot is this?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
