you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
