he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
