Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize