This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we made out on top of his cat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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