There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
