Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
