you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
