Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
