I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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