I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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