It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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