I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize