sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry my hands just texted you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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