this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Pooping to opera.
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