You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
