My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
