Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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