i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I look better un-naked...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
